Eating. Watching TV. Playing on the computer. Shopping. Having dessert. Drinking coffee. All of these things can be addictive, so do I need to cut them out of my life completely because I have an ‘addictive personality’? What is normal escapism and what is a problem?
Hmm, my iPad just corrected ‘I’ to ‘PIE’, so maybe there is a problem… 🙂
I am firmly in the camp that it is okay, good, great even, to give myself lots of rewards in early sobriety. Getting sober is hard! I deserve little nice things. So do you.
I don’t want to find myself making excuses for behaviors, though. Or lying to myself about what I am doing. I think that could be a bad road to go down because I used to do that with booze. Honesty is best … no matter what. So yeah, I use the internet as a way to escape and I like to eat dessert because it makes my brain feel less sharp and prickly sometimes. I feel a little giddy and manic when I spend money, so I have to check with myself before making decisions. I am okay with those things (at least for now) because they are not nearly as harmful as alcohol to my body, spirit, soul, relationships, life, etc.
I think it is about balance. I am an all or nothing person, I have realized, and I have to fight that instinct within myself. It is okay to be less than perfect. Heck, I was never anywhere close to perfect, ever. That does not mean that I need to give up and start drinking again. I simply can’t be balanced when it comes to drinking, so complete abstinence is the best, most logical way to go.
I have a hard time knowing what ‘normal’ looks like, but I think I can tell when I am going off the rails into unhealthy or addictive behaviors. You know what else I’ve noticed? Just about everyone else does this type of stuff, too. It’s normal to be imperfect. Phew.
5 thoughts on “Escapism, Or When is Good Good Enough?”
I identify with all of this. I am coming up on a year sober, and I am thinking about trying to break the sugar and caffeine addictions….we’ll see how that goes. The thing I know is that while my current addictions may not be healthy, they are certainly going to kill me slower that drinking would have!
I think one year sober is a good time to try to tackle sugar and caffeine, so good for you! You’re absolutely right, though, it will kill you much slower than alcohol. I think practicing mindfulness helps…I’ve been trying that a little lately so that I don’t just sit there and eat and eat. Progress, not perfection. 🙂
Took me a while to realise that normal is imperfect. I still have this thing when I’m trying to be perfect at handling tough emotions all the time.. looking at the people I perceive to be all cool and calm and collected and trying to be like them. It’s crazy.. I’m sure no-one is cool and calm and collected all the time but still that’s my aim. I was so bad with the sugar for the first year and a half of sobriety.. then got really on top of it.. it’s starting to creep back up again now.. must watch that, must.
Yeah, I heard addiction described as similar to the game ‘Whack a Mole’ and that makes sense to me. It always ends up popping up somewhere! 🙂
I have been struggling with handling feelings lately. They are so INTENSE without something to numb them. I want to be cool, calm and collected, too! I think it is a myth, though. Nobody is like that all the time! Besides, think you already are pretty cool, Mrs D! xx
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