Eating. Watching TV. Playing on the computer. Shopping. Having dessert. Drinking coffee. All of these things can be addictive, so do I need to cut them out of my life completely because I have an ‘addictive personality’? What is normal escapism and what is a problem?
Hmm, my iPad just corrected ‘I’ to ‘PIE’, so maybe there is a problem… 🙂
I am firmly in the camp that it is okay, good, great even, to give myself lots of rewards in early sobriety. Getting sober is hard! I deserve little nice things. So do you.
I don’t want to find myself making excuses for behaviors, though. Or lying to myself about what I am doing. I think that could be a bad road to go down because I used to do that with booze. Honesty is best … no matter what. So yeah, I use the internet as a way to escape and I like to eat dessert because it makes my brain feel less sharp and prickly sometimes. I feel a little giddy and manic when I spend money, so I have to check with myself before making decisions. I am okay with those things (at least for now) because they are not nearly as harmful as alcohol to my body, spirit, soul, relationships, life, etc.
I think it is about balance. I am an all or nothing person, I have realized, and I have to fight that instinct within myself. It is okay to be less than perfect. Heck, I was never anywhere close to perfect, ever. That does not mean that I need to give up and start drinking again. I simply can’t be balanced when it comes to drinking, so complete abstinence is the best, most logical way to go.
I have a hard time knowing what ‘normal’ looks like, but I think I can tell when I am going off the rails into unhealthy or addictive behaviors. You know what else I’ve noticed? Just about everyone else does this type of stuff, too. It’s normal to be imperfect. Phew.