My husband and I have a difference in opinion about whether or not sobriety is something to be celebrated. He doesn’t think so, as he thinks it is simply what responsible people do when they have a drinking problem. My husband quit drinking when I did, mainly to support me, so we both passed our one-year sobriety date this last weekend.
He has the right to his opinion. He doesn’t identify with being an alcoholic and may indeed resume drinking moderately at some point. I am okay with that for the most part. I wasn’t okay with him drinking at first because I knew I couldn’t do it without him, as he was my party buddy, but now I feel strong enough to handle being sober alone. I enjoy being sober and wouldn’t want to go back to my old way of life.
I worry about it because I worry about everything. I am working on that.
This isn’t a post to bash my husband’s opinions, but rather an opportunity to state my opinion on the subject of celebrating sobriety.
My view? It absolutely, 100%, most definitely should be celebrated. In many cases getting sober saves people’s lives. I believe it saved my life. Getting sober is hard! It takes some serious guts and determination to learn how to live life without drugs or alcohol. Plus, in recovery you learn all sorts of neat stuff about who you are and what you want. You learn how to live life without an escape hatch or a way to numb your emotions. You learn how to live life on life’s terms, which is a lesson that everyone should learn, addict or not.
If you are sober, no matter for how long, take some time to celebrate that fact. Don’t be ashamed that you have gone down this path in life. Many awesome people have gone before you. Sobriety rules!
I have a tendency to worry about things that I have no control over. I want desperately to be in control of everything in my life, but of course that can and never will happen. I have been reading more about being an ‘Adult Child of Alcoholism’ and control issues are par for the course, it seems.
For instance, this morning my husband and I had a conversation about the future and whether or not he plans to resume drinking booze at some point. He thinks that he might want to drink moderately in the future. Someday in the future…maybe after a few more months of abstinence. A little background- my husband quit drinking to support me and hasn’t appeared to have much of a problem giving it up so far.
The thought of him drinking ‘someday’ practically gave me an anxiety attack. I began worrying about the ways that our lives would be different if he were to become a drinker again, how there would be alcohol in our house, how we would TOTALLY grow apart, how our son would be exposed to people drinking, and on and on until I was positive that we will 100% end up divorced if he has a few drinks.
So…maybe my worrying spiraled a little bit out of control? We are referring to something that has not even happened yet, and that might not EVER happen. What about crossing that bridge when we get to it? I am SO BAD at that. I go down this wormhole into the future, and it is negative and bad and exists only in my mind.
I can’t control my husband’s decisions on this subject, but I want to. Boy, do I ever want to. I want to tell him “No. We are not drinkers anymore. That is the way it is.” I don’t want to do this alone. The fact of the matter, however, is that we are always doing this alone. Living a sober life is a personal choice. I cannot control his decision, and in reality I don’t want to control his decision. I don’t respect people that I can boss around. My problem is not his problem.
Maybe some of my worries will happen down the line, but they probably won’t. If problems arise we can handle them as they come up. I need to let go of control and let life happen…live and let live. I think AA uses the Serenity Prayer and the idea of ‘Let Go and Let God’ to help with control issues. I like those. Any other ideas? Or how do those ideas help you?