Life has been good lately, and I know that it is because of sobriety. I am enjoying living more than I used to… genuinely appreciating the small things. The everyday things. Taking my son swimming. Drinking a delicious cup of coffee in the morning. Going for a hike and really noticing the trees and the sky and hearing the birds, and just feeling happy and content. Feeling joy bubble up inside when I hear a good song on the radio and can’t help but smile and dance around. I look silly, but I don’t care. My son dances, too, and I love how unselfconscious he is. I want that for myself.
It seems that my thinking has shifted. I used to feel fear and pain so much of the time. I thought constantly about drinking, even if I didn’t realize I was thinking about it. Everything revolved around numbing out my fear and pain, because then I was able to laugh and relax for awhile. Drinking was my constant reward for having to deal with life, which I found to be terribly hard and strenuous most of the time. Life wasn’t fair. I didn’t always get what I deserved. People could be so mean. I felt left out and left behind and so, so scared.
This is so much better. The true relaxation and happiness that comes with thinking things through, talking things out, feeling all the feelings on the spectrum, processing the happenings, and really and truly living life on life’s terms.
My family-of-origin has been helpful to me in letting go this past week, as they are nowhere near close to accepting the alcoholism that continues to warp and damage their lives. I have been hitting my head against a brick wall trying to get them to see the truth. Gah. I am realizing how hypocritical I have been by doing that, and therefore feel able to let go of it all, at least for now. Finally. I am sending them love and light from afar.
They aren’t all good days of course, but the good ones are really good. I am grateful to be here, writing to you all and myself, enjoying this glass of iced pomegranate green tea. Now I am off to clean the house and get prepared for a fun play date this afternoon. xo
The Soberist Blog 
So glad things are going well for you. Life is a wonder through clear eyes.
Sharon
Thanks Sharon! Glad you are still reading even if writing all the time isn’t your bag these days. I have less to say, too. Life goes on… Hugs!
I recognise a lot of these feelings. I felt a lot of nameless fear… still do in a way, but somehow it is different now. I feel more able to look at problems head on and think about them rationally instead of getting into a blind panic and feeling the need to escape… And I love the sound of your iced pomegranate green tea. Sounds fab 🙂 xxx
I feel less fear, though it does rear its ugly head every once in awhile. I feel more capable of dealing with it somehow, and I know that it will pass. No need to escape. Glad you are feeling that too these days. 🙂
Great job! It’s really so different to feel everything, huh? Glad you are finding true happiness.
Me too. Thanks. 🙂
I like it. Nice post.
Thanks!
The more sober I am the more I’m willing to face my fears. It rang so true for me when you said that you used to live in pain and fear- ME TOO!!!! All the time. It sucked. I still have pain and fear, but I see them for what they are: things I can deal with. Things I can face.
Dude, I love the regular days. Even when they aren’t great they’re damn good. 🙂 xoxo
I want to be where you were when you wrote this post. It is so inspiring.