Fear

My last post talked about a play group that I recently started attending that includes wine drinking for most of the other moms. I had a hard time at the last one that I attended, and kind of wanted to join in the drinking even though I knew that would be a horrible idea. I don’t have to attend this group! I am doing it so that my son has some kids to play with. If it doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world. I was worrying way too much, as I do. As I am trying NOT to do, but you know. It’s hard to stop.

Do I wish that we had a less alcohol-infused society? Yes. Do I want to try to meet more sober people? Yes. Do I want to ONLY attend activities that are alcohol-free? No, not really. A lot of people in our society drink so if I limit myself to spending time with those who are sober or teetotal I am severely limiting my life! However, if I find it too hard to be around drinkers I will leave. I don’t like being around drunk people. I will ALWAYS have an escape plan. I will ALWAYS say a little prayer before going out to help me stay sober. I will ALWAYS listen to my gut and try to do what is best for me (even if this means staying home and missing a social activity for me or my son). My sobriety comes first.

I think part of recovery is facing my fears. I couldn’t do that at first because I wasn’t ready, but I am stronger now. I have faith that I will make good decisions about my life. I trust myself. I don’t need to test myself or my resolve by placing myself in unnecessarily hard situations, but I need to learn how to live life as a sober person in various settings and situations. I want to be a social person. I don’t want to live in fear.

And speaking of fear- I think I have been reacting to old fears for a long time. I became scared as a young girl because I saw the world fall apart around me, and I learned to live with the constant fear I experienced by self-medicating. I don’t need to do that anymore. I need to fight these fears, many of which are totally irrational, and become the person I am capable of being.

Here is a good article about fear if you are interested in reading it.

Are Your Frightened Too? (from Veronica Valli’s blog)

I really appreciate all of your thoughts and support. I am sending the best and nicest of my thoughts to you all.

 

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15 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Jen, you know, I am all about live and let live, not judging others and chilling with people that drink, I truly am. But after someone says no to a drink (especially at a play date for their kids) once, it is incredibly poor form and quite frankly idiotic to keep offering. Perhaps the reason you were uncomfortable is because the situation was uncomfortable. Many people would have been justifiably irritated by the lack of common manners on display. Imagine hosting an adult party and querying people who we’re pouring a drink if they really needed another one. How uncomfortable would that make them? How rude would that be? By the way we just had an incident of a mother being arrested for a DUI, mid afternoon , with her kids in the car. Let’s call a spade a spade, just because we are choosing sobriety doesn’t mean we have put up with all the dumb asses in the world. Hang tough sister.

    • Thank you! I agree with you on so many points here. Some people are rude and some situations are uncomfortable. I think I need to give this group more of a chance, though, cause it seemed like a much different scene from the first week. We’ll see! Drunk driving with kids is never ok. Hugs!!

  2. this was a lovely post to read. I’m so glad that writing it down and getting a range of comments helped you identify the source of your concerns and decide on a positive path forward. sober first yes, but gently opening yourself up to social events, taking steps to deal with fear while taking very good care of yourself, will reinforce your sobriety by helping you become more ‘real’, more the person you are capable of being without alcohol. because we are all seeing the possibility of changing behaviour patterns that previously we thought were so ingrained in us there was no hope of ever being different. go girl! your little boy is so lucky to have an amazing mummy! xx

  3. I agree with Drying Out Loud. Uncomfortable is uncomfortable, no matter what the circumstance.
    Since when are play-dates infused with alcohol anyway? My kids are in their 20’s, but I went on many a play-date, and all we ever drank was coffee.
    I don’t get the Mommy juice set. Why would you put your children at risk, is life really that stressful that you have to drink while you watch your kids play?

    • I agree, but I also was doing it last year, so I can’t say much about it! My son was 9 months when I quit drinking, so I try to remember that the ladies drinking at play dates might be where I am in another year… you never know! I am going to continue to focus on me and not worry about them too much. Hugs!!

  4. Loved this post, Jen. so thoughtful and full of sense. And thanks for the link to the Veronica Valli post, too. Much of this resonates with me. I am just beginning to realise how much of what I do / who I am is driven by fear. Thank you for your honesty in sharing your experiences with this. xxx

  5. Great post. I feel our stories of reclaiming our lives from a fear based existence are similar. I loved the link, too. Thanks for being in the blog world and offering your strength through your experience.

  6. Hello! Christy from Running On Sober told me about you and I hopped over here to read your talented and inspiring words. Your space is warm and welcoming and I’m glad our paths crossed. I’m writing a guest post on bravery for Christy next week. Would it be okay if I referenced your post as an additional resource? I think her regular readers would love to hear your perspective. No obligation…I know that we just met 🙂
    Michelle

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