Your Weirdness Will Make You Stronger…

weirdness

I saw this the other day when I was feeling bad. I have decided to move forward, take the good advice of you lovely people, and stop being so hard on myself. I have the tendency to overthink things, and it doesn’t do me any good. In fact, I get in my own way a lot of the time. Overthinkers unite!

After some thought (I know- I am thinking again), I realized that one of the main problems I have that leads to lying and manipulation is that I am not doing work that I enjoy to make money. Money is the worst sometimes. I only work a little, but I feel stuck and unhappy when I do it, and it leads me to cut corners at times because I want to finish as quickly as possible to work on fun, creative pursuits that I enjoy. The crazy thing is that I don’t really HAVE to work, but I put pressure on myself to do so. I want to focus on doing more creative stuff that could eventually lead to an income, but likely not for awhile, and not worry so much about adding to the household pot right now.

This means budgeting more carefully so that we are not counting on my income, and then only working when I feel good about it. When I can give it my complete, 100% attention and effort. I am going to start another blog to document my projects and creative pursuits, and to really try to figure out what it is that I would actually like to do for money when my son is a little older. I am going to get out of my own way and use the opportunity that I have been given to explore and experiment with what makes me happy.

I am scared to do this, which is why I have stayed stuck for so long. It is easier to keep working doing things that I don’t enjoy while simultaneously putting pressure on myself, beating myself up, and being unhappy, instead of following my dreams wherever they may take me. The crazy thing is that I have followed this same pattern for years. I have never taken the time to truly find out what I am good at and what I can really do. Fear of failure, maybe? Fear of disapproval? It doesn’t matter- I want more out of life!

This has to do with drinking because I can’t continue feeling bad about this without eventually giving in to the temptation to drink. I am setting myself up for eventual failure by continuing this pattern. Time to rearrange things, change it up, take the pressure off, and work on truly being happy. Scary but so freakin’ cool!

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8 thoughts on “Your Weirdness Will Make You Stronger…

  1. Hi Jen, I could really identify with this post. I think I might be an overthinker too! I beat myself up about the things I feel I have “failed” at, but instead of making positive changes, I just make myself so unhappy, I too get “stuck”. I have felt very stuck, for years now, too full of fear to make a move in any direction – drinking would allow me to forget the feeling / rid myself of it for a while, now I feel I need to move on. I hope you find out what it is you want to do, what path you want to take. I am sure you will make some joyous accidental discoveries along the way. Good luck 🙂 MTM. x

  2. So…. You’ve already got yourself a lovely big lump of clay! I know, because you’ve just described it! You’ve got the mind, the enthusiasm and the talent at the ready. All you need to do now is decide what to make that lovely lump into :o)

    It looks like an opportunity that not everyone gets …. and WAY too good not to have a whole lot of positive, exciting fun with, from start to finish! (but, of course, there IS no “finish”….. There’s just “better”…. and “better” knows no limits!)

    G x

    • Thanks for such a nice, encouraging comment! You are right- I have everything I need, and I am lucky to have the opportunity to experiment a bit. Being sober has many, many benefits. 🙂

  3. Oh I like that message. There is nothing wrong with any of us. We just have to get used to ‘being’ us.. the full warts and all emotional version of us that we didn’t want to know before (hence the boozing).. that’s what it’s like for me anyway. Love this post. xxxx

  4. Oh my goodness! I know you’re scared but I’m so excited for you! Take it from someone who took a different path at a young age and is now yearning for that creative outlet…
    “I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. . . . In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness.” Thoreau

    Good luck!
    Sherry

  5. I overthink things too. I need to get myself back on track, though my road is different than yours because, well, they’re all different!

    I set the text in that picture as my wallpaper on my desktop so I see it lots.

  6. I swear, we are our own worst enemies. My husband has said I have more guilt and less self-esteem than anyone he knows. It’s amazing I have accomplished what I have….and I did it with the crutch of alcohol,,to give me courage. I want to find out who I really am–sober. Maybe, just maybe, I might like her.

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