Booze has taken so much from me. It is pretty futile being angry at an organic compound … a substance that has no agenda … but I am, dammit! That is where I am right now. Fucking angry. Maybe it is part of the process of recovery? Who knows. I hate alcohol, though. Like, really fucking hate it.
I feel angry because alcohol stole my childhood. I then proceeded to give it the reins to steal time in my adult life.
It has stolen people I love. People who continue to choose it every day over other people in their lives.
I am angry that alcoholism might be lurking in my child’s genes.
I hate the fact that it almost killed me, and that it does kill people, and that it probably will kill me if I give it the chance.
I hate that people believe that alcohol is worth giving up their lives for. Worth giving up hope, love, friendship, family, hobbies, work, values, morals, etc. It is not worth it! Those things are better!
I am angry because alcohol is sneaky and tricky and mean and vicious. People choose to drink it, but some people feel compelled to drink it more than others. I can never know the depths of someone else’s pain and reasons for drinking, but it makes me angry that it is so fucking hard for some people to stop. And that it is so hard to stay stopped for other people.
So yeah, that is where I am today. I am hoping that by writing it down I am helping to release it. Bye, bye anger!