I Hate Alcohol

Booze has taken so much from me. It is pretty futile being angry at an organic compound … a substance that has no agenda … but I am, dammit! That is where I am right now. Fucking angry. Maybe it is part of the process of recovery? Who knows. I hate alcohol, though. Like, really fucking hate it.

I feel angry because alcohol stole my childhood. I then proceeded to give it the reins to steal time in my adult life.

It has stolen people I love. People who continue to choose it every day over other people in their lives.

I am angry that alcoholism might be lurking in my child’s genes.

I hate the fact that it almost killed me, and that it does kill people, and that it probably will kill me if I give it the chance.

I hate that people believe that alcohol is worth giving up their lives for. Worth giving up hope, love, friendship, family, hobbies, work, values, morals, etc. It is not worth it! Those things are better!

I am angry because alcohol is sneaky and tricky and mean and vicious. People choose to drink it, but some people feel compelled to drink it more than others. I can never know the depths of someone else’s pain and reasons for drinking, but it makes me angry that it is so fucking hard for some people to stop. And that it is so hard to stay stopped for other people.

So yeah, that is where I am today. I am hoping that by writing it down I am helping to release it.  Bye, bye anger!

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9 thoughts on “I Hate Alcohol

  1. I share your anger Jen. Nursing people who were dying because of it was heartbreaking. I hate the drinks industry as much as hate their product. Pushers of legal death in a bottle Grrr!

    • Wow, that sounds hard. I haven’t done that, but I could see it happening sometime in the future and it scares me so much. I think some people can handle drinking, and it’s fine, but a lot of people can’t and it’s heartbreaking. There isn’t a great answer. Thanks for your kind words.

  2. Reading this brought me to tears. I completely know your sentiment. As they say alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful. The reality that is often left out is that it is pervasive and accepted. Though we choose not to drink we walk among many that choose to continue to consume at all costs, and there is a level of social acceptance. Sure society frowns at the wino on the corner, but society turns a blind eye to social drinkers that continually overindulge. We use alcohol to celebrate, to wash away pain, to drown a bad day, to doctor our soul, and it is ok and sometime expected.

    Right now, I choose to walk around like I have blinders on. You know the thing race horses wear to cover their eyes, that’s the way I live at the moment. I focus only on me and my family, and the benefits I gain for not drinking. Everyone else, well honestly, they can fuck off. I choose to not walk near the wine isles, and I don’t go out to dinner in full service restaurants. I have true tunnel vision. The only things in my eyesight are my kids, husband, and our wellbeing.

    I hope writing it down helps relieve your anger. I am sure that recover is much like grieving. There are stages that we all go through, and they are not necessarily the same for everyone. I bought the e-book on codependency. My plan is to read it during my holiday vacation. Hope you are feeling better! Sending you many well wishes!!! – Heather

    • I get the blinders thing! That is how I am mostly, too. My brothers and parents can be really difficult to deal with sometimes…each in their own way. It makes me mad sometimes. And sad. There is not much I can do about it, though. I think our relationships will have to get worse before they get better. I felt less anger after writing it down for sure. Thanks for the well wishes- sending them your way also. 🙂

  3. I think some anger and ranting can be a healthy release. It’s good to yell it or write it, let it flow, then let it go. And you’re angry with alcohol not people. It’s not your brothers and parents, it’s how alcohol has changed them. I think it’s all part of the process. Hope your mad is gone.

  4. Me too. I hate that it destroyed my parents marriage and a wealthy future for our family was thrown out the window. My stepfather died of stroke after giving up booze due to diabetes. I hate that he damaged me as a child and caused the worthlessness I felt, because of his addiction. I hate that it was a sore spot for years because my grandfather is an alcoholic. A nasty secretive alcoholic who cut way back as he himself got diabetes. He is now 93. Go figure. I hate that I learned to love and depend on it and attracted men always who were/are users and dysfunctional. I hate that my mother chose another alcoholic to be her life partner and we all have to deal with that crap. I hate that I lost two friends to cancer which may have been caused by there penchant for wine. I hate that my son is dependent on marijuana to help him deal with adhd and anxiety (his excuse). I hate that I feel so much of my life has been wasted at drinking and not functioning my best and I have killed brain cells and my memory is shit.
    Boy that felt goo!!!!

    However, in hindsight! I like that i have met some wonderfully interesting people. That I have been involved in addiction recovery talk and self help most of my life. That I have been through years of counselling and learning about myself. That I have grown spiritually and emotionally. That I now realise that life is short and I have this time in my history to redo myself and be who I want to. The best that I can.

    • Wow, thank you for sharing this with me! I am similar…there are many things I hate but I can also appreciate the good things that this life… my life… has brought because of alcoholism/addiction. I appreciate your honesty! xxx

  5. It’s one of the curses of the earth, no less than a filthy drug on the level of heroin in the final balance. And really? After suffering a lifetime of the daily swill-fueled violence and ugliness of these toxic beasts called humans it hits the point where one would welcome a taliban takeover of the whole planet, if only to shut their asses down for good.

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