“That’s the secret to happiness and life: we don’t resist what is. We know that there aren’t any real differences between sadness, joy, anger, and fear. Each is a feeling–emotional energy. Happiness is the peace we get when we surrender to it all–being aware of and present for each moment as it comes.” –Melody Beattie
I read this the other day in ‘The New Codependency’ and it really resonated with me. I think I am starting to ‘get’ the idea of letting go of things that I can’t control. Surrendering to what is. Whoa.
Drinking was such a huge escape for me. My whole family does it; I wasn’t really taught to deal with things head on or feel my feelings. I was taught to withdraw, hide, pretend, and escape. I am finally realizing the error of this type of living…the harm it does to you and the people around you.
After I started realizing this stuff a few months ago, I started a campaign to make my family members understand the error of their ways. I thought that it would be simple. Speak the truth and it shall be revealed! Um, no. I was shut down in so many ways and basically denied. Called uptight, told I wasn’t really sober…ouch, ouch, and ouch. It reminded me of the way I used to feel as a child, way back when, before I started drinking as a way to alter my reality. In a way, I came full circle.
How many times does life give you the chance to meet yourself head on?
I realized this time that it isn’t my fault that I can’t change the situation. I can’t make my parents stop drinking or treat me the way that I believe I deserve to be treated. I can’t force my siblings to see that they are continuing the cycle of alcoholism that they hated when we were growing up. I can’t make anyone do anything. This time…it is okay. I do not have to beat myself up, chug the booze, or hurt myself in any way because of this stuff.
I feel a lot of empathy for my younger self now. I wasn’t capable of handling some of the emotions/situations/events that I was faced with, and it really doesn’t surprise me that I turned to alcohol as a way to deal. My toolbox was pretty empty back then. It makes me sad to realize that, but I also feel redeemed. I mean, I am not a total fuck up! I did what I had to do at the time. It just happens that it no longer works for this adult woman. This person who values different things and wants to grow and change.
So I am trying to surrender to what life brings my way. To me, that means trusting that life knows more than I do. It sure was hard work trying to control everything.
The Soberist Blog 
These are beautiful words and I too am finding resonance in them. You are such an honest, brave soul.
Aw, that’s so nice. Thank you. I think you are, too. xx
Such a lovely post. It’s really wonderful when we can see our younger selves and come to those realizations. I have a “Little Sherry” in my head that I sometimes comfort and nurture while I meditate. It’s helps me to heal the shit from my childhood that plagues me. And it helps to set me free.
It’s funny, I had a conversation with one of my sons this weekend about staying in his own lane (a project at school) and that as much as he’d like to fix everyone and do all the parts of the project, all he really had to worry about was what was in his own lane.
It’s so true for us as well. We have to let those around us tend to their own garden…we need only be concerned with what’s growing in ours.
Great post. Thank you.
Sherry
Wow, thank you Sherry! What a nice comment. I like the idea of tending to your garden…that’s a good way to put it! We all deal with things from childhood; mine seem to be surfacing since I stopped drinking. It helps to get it out! xx
Jen – your words express my truth too. We did what we thought was best and what we had learned from others. How were we to know there was a different and better way? We know now though 🙂
Yes we do! There is no turning back. Thank goodness! 🙂
This is a really lovely post and incredibly powerful. Wow – what a big step for you to realise there is no changing the bigger situation in the family.. ever. I’ve had imaginary conversations with family members that will NEVER take place. Oh how I wish they would but they won’t ever. But once we settle into that truth, and settle into ourselves, calmly accepting what we can’t change and just working on ourselves there is a great peace to be found. I love that it sounds like it’s coming your way.. so great. And I do like that you are forgiving the young you for taking the boozy path. I’m exactly the same.. that young girl me just wanted all the pain to go away glug glug glug lets make everything fun! No regrets for that now.. because turning that around as we have done in getting sober is what’s giving us such peace and power now. Fabulous post.xxx
Thank you. No use beating myself up over what is in the past. It’s hard not to sometimes, though, isn’t it? I feel like I am in a better place than I was a few short months ago. xx 🙂
Thank you for writing this! I think I need to check out that book. This is the second time i have heard it referenced in as many days. Thats gotta be a sign. 🙂 Hope you are doing well. Best wishes – Heather
Strange! You are right- must be a sign. It is a pretty helpful book. I am looking forward to reading more of her stuff (this is the first book I’ve read). It is taking me a long time to read, though, where I usually am voracious. I think the heavy subject matter takes awhile to digest. Thanks for the comment! xx
Thank you for your courage to speak up. I am on day one (again). You have given me strength to move forward.