The Small Things

My baby celebrated his first birthday this weekend, and it made me reflect on how my life would be different if I had not quit the booze. First of all, I probably would have thrown him a party this weekend. I would have felt obligated in some silly way, because I was less secure when I was drinking and I worried more about what people thought about me. You’re SUPPOSED to throw a party for your child EVERY YEAR, right? Or else you’re a bad parent? Um, no.

So … my one year-old would have had a party, filled with mainly grown-ups, hanging out. In most social circles one year-olds don’t have a bunch of friends to invite to parties yet. His party probably would have been a good time, but it wouldn’t have been as much about HIM. His wants and needs … not ours.

In addition, there likely would have been some drinking involved at this shindig. We would have justified it to ourselves by saying that we ‘deserved’ to celebrate. Heck, we have been parents for a whole year! That IS cause to celebrate! Why do we need to drink alcohol to celebrate, though? Especially when the MAIN event … the person we are really celebrating … has no use for alcohol, parties, and large groups of people at this point in his life. He just wants to hang with the P’s, play with his toys, go for walks, take baths, chase the cats, jump on the bed … you get the idea.

Instead, we spent the whole weekend doing things that he likes to do. We saw a few friends, but we didn’t overwhelm him with a large party. We took a couple of nice walks, opened a present every few hours, made banana cupcakes that he smashed and ate, sang songs, read books, played with toys, took naps, etc. It was practically the same as a normal day except BETTER! He was so happy to be with his parents the whole weekend, and we were able to give him 100% of our attention. I didn’t think about drinking hardly at all, except that I was SO happy to be sober. It was perfect. A good introduction to birthdays for him, and no stress for me.

I can’t say FOR SURE how things would have gone down had I still been drinking, but I don’t think it would have been quite as nice. Once again, I feel that being sober is a gift you give to yourself and to the important people in your life. It’s always a good reminder.

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18 thoughts on “The Small Things

    • Thanks Carrie! I have absolutely nothing against parties for kids, but I know it would have been a drinking occasion for me had I not stopped. We don’t have family nearby so it would have been our friends and a few kids. I am still learning how to socialize sober, so it worked great for all of us, I think. Thanks for the nice comment. xx

  1. I love, love, love this post! It sounds like you had a perfect weekend! Happy birthday to your little man! You are a kickass mommy!!! 🙂

  2. Oh yeah kids birthdays were always an excuse to celebrate and drink! As were Christmas, New Years.. Halloween, any random Friday night….. great post xxx

  3. Yes, I remember kid birthdays being another day to swill wine. Which has nothing to do with kids. I’m so glad that first birthday will be in your memory forever as such a special time for your family. Go mom! Sobriety is a gift for us and for all the people we love. 🙂 xoxo

  4. I just attended a one year olds birthday party this weekend. It was the most extravagant party I have ever seen thrown for a child that (let’s face it) had no idea what the hell was going on. From the decorations to the fondant cake that the mother spent over 6 hours putting together, it just seemed like overkill. And, yes, almost every adult there was enjoying some type of alcoholic beverage. I have found that in only 17 days of staying away from the drink, I don’t feel as guilty about doing less. As a mother of 2 boys, I was constantly going above and beyond. When I was drinking, I felt like I was always competing for some “Mother of the Year” award. Because, if I were to do less, it would mean the drink was winning and I had a problem. Admitting that I have a problem and letting go of trying to do everything perfectly has saved me so much stress. I’m not perfect. Taking booze out of the equation has made me realize that I can do less and that is OK. I accept the fact that I am not a perfect mother. It took me getting sober to realize there is no such thing.

    • Exactly! I think it is all about doing what is best for you and your family. Parties can be great- but they shouldn’t be stressful or make you feel bad! I will never win a mother of the year award either but I am so happy to be more real and present for my child. It keeps me humble. Thanks for your comment and insight! xx

  5. Love this post! I am new to both sobriety and blogging so just drifting around at the moment. One of the reasons I am giving sobriety a go is because I hope to start a family in the next few couple of years and I don’t want to be drinking the way I do now when I have children. I don’t want to waste a day of my child’s life hungover and depressed. I have copied and pasted this post to my ‘Reasons Why’ list. Thank you Jen!x

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