Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?


I had a big falling out with a friend a few months ago. She approached me for a serious discussion about my drinking, and it made me really upset. Sounds like a classic case of an alcoholic in denial, right? Well… yes and no. She told me some things that were true, but she did it in a insensitive and hurtful way.

I quit drinking a month later, and I am still trying to figure out what it all means. I had been thinking about quitting drinking permanently for awhile at that point, so she doesn’t deserve the credit for all of my hard work. Her words did trigger something, though. I mean, I pretty much obsessed over our conversation non-stop for the next week, at least. Letting our friendship go has saved me from drama and stress that she brought into my life. In fact, I think it has been easier to stay sober without having her around. But she helped me see things more clearly about my drinking… things that I was trying so hard not to see.

I am so, so grateful that circumstances in my life have changed since then. I have examined my priorities and am working on being my best self, sober. I feel much more confident than I did a few short months ago when it seemed that if you looked at me too hard you would see all of the holes I was trying to hide. Holes in my confidence, holes in my story… you get the picture. This situation is a good reminder to me to be mindful in my communications with others, because you never know what they are going through. You have to be careful how you approach people when it comes to delicate situations, like confronting alcoholism or whatever the issue is, or it could just make things worse. There are ways to approach people that are helpful, and ways that are not so helpful. And always remember to be kind. It is so, so important.

** I edited this post on 10/11/13. For some reason it made me really uncomfortable in its original form. I think I shared too much, too fast. I will return to this subject at a later date.


2 thoughts on “Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

  1. Friendship can be so complicated. Human connection is a necessity of life, but sometimes it seems to be more trouble than it is worth. I hope that your meeting with your old friend goes well. You are right that you own your sobriety, and you put in the work it takes to maintain it. Maybe the things she said were hurtful and out of line, but maybe they came from a place of love. If she is supportive of you and your changes, wonderful, but if she is not well you can be great without her. Wishing you well – Heather

    • Thanks Heather! We will see how it goes. She had good intentions that did not come out well, which I understand. You are right, it is just a hard and complicated situation! I hope to learn from it as much as I can. Peace!


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