Last night was hard. It totally sucked. I wanted to drink sooo bad I could practically taste it. So I just wanted to tell you that, blog. And I want to tell my junkie voice to go ahead and fuck off, please.
My husband, son and I went to a little block party in our town square last night. There was live music, lots of kids, and many of our friends. It was fun! But my friends were either drinking (a little) or planning to go elsewhere to drink later and listen to more live music. This weekend a small music festival takes place at various bars/restaurants/venues around town. I was JEALOUS. I wanted to go and have fun, too. I felt left out and sad that I could no longer partake in those activities. Everyone seemed excited and adventurous and happy, except dull old Jen. My shy teenage self came out of hiding and remembered spending time alone at home while others were out having fun together. Totally irrational! Yet it totally happened.
Going to a bar right now would be a recipe for disaster. I need more time and space between my drinking and the places where I used to drink. I need more sober friends. I need new activities for the weekend. I need to focus on what is important- my sobriety, my family, etc.
Whew. I am glad I escaped. I didn’t realize how left out I would feel. It seemed like a totally harmless place to go hang out for awhile, but my junkie voice threw a damn fit. Well, fuck you junkie voice. You suck and I don’t want you around anymore. GO AWAY and leave me in peace.
How come it seems like everyone in the world drinks alcohol sometimes?
I feel good today. I am happy to be awake and ready to spend my Saturday being productive WITHOUT a hangover. My friends are probably suffering a bit right now (not that I want that for them, but I’m glad it’s not me). I did the right thing by coming home, putting my baby to bed, eating burritos with my husband, and watching bad TV until we went to bed early. It turned out to be nice. No crazy adventure… but real and genuine and good.