Booze is No Friend of Mine

Drinking scares me.

It didn’t used to. It should have, but it didn’t. I was able to compartmentalize different areas of my life so well that I allowed myself to believe that I was fine… no problem here, sir… keep on walkin’ along.

Drinking didn’t scare me when I got a DUI. It didn’t scare me when some of my friends slowly drifted away, tired of my preoccupation with finding the next party. It didn’t scare me when I spent many mornings and some full days in bed hungover. It didn’t scare me when I was making a mess of my finances because I was drinking too much to act like a responsible adult. It didn’t scare me when I lied about having migraines or food poisoning to get out of going to work or school because I felt too bad to go. It didn’t scare me when I peed the bed because I was too drunk to wake up and use the bathroom.

Drinking didn’t scare me when I had a horrible car accident and spent two days in the hospital for a head injury. Well, that’s not exactly true. It scared me for two or three weeks, but I was 25 and thought that I was invincible.  Eventually I felt better, my head healed, and I began drinking once more.

Drinking didn’t scare me when I had a two-day bender that ended with multiple friends looking for me and my boyfriend breaking it off with me. Actually, that did scare me a little. I was scared of losing my friends and my boyfriend, so I quit drinking for a month. Once I realized I still had my friends, and the boyfriend was history, I had no problem slowly returning to my previous consumption of daily booze.

Lately, though, drinking has scared the hell out of me. Even though I quit without problems during my pregnancy, it felt like I started right where I left off when I returned to it after giving birth. A glass of wine to “celebrate” or a beer to “relax” soon turned into anywhere from two to ten on each occasion. And the consequences just kept getting worse. Did I need to lose my husband, my family, my life in order to learn my lesson?

I knew then, and know now for certain, that that is exactly what would happen if I were to continue on a drinking path. I would be placing everything I hold dear in jeopardy. I feel grateful to be looking at the situation clearly for the first time in my life. I feel grateful that I finally scared myself straight, without having my life go up in flames. I feel so thankful for that little voice that told me it was time to stop for good.

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6 thoughts on “Booze is No Friend of Mine

  1. Ha ha…you said it. Drinking didn’t scare me no matter what the consequences were. Until it scared the hell out of me. Until the fear of drinking outweighed the fear of not drinking. And by that time the fun was long, long, long gone. And I had to remember that I was getting sober for me and me alone. If I were doing it for anyone or anything else, I would almost surely fail. I am glad to see that you are on the path. Great stuff 🙂

    Love and light,
    Paul

    • Thanks Paul! I think remembering to do this for myself is so important. I am happy that the effects will be positive for others, but ultimately this is my sobriety and my life. Thanks for reading and commenting. ~Jen

  2. I am so, so glad you’re not drinking any more. It’s amazing the stuff you do when you’re drinking … And like you say, it doesn’t really scare you at the time… But looking back on it all IS scary.

    • I can’t believe I wasn’t scared. It goes to show how strong my addiction is, I guess! I was able to make excuses for all of those things. Not anymore though! Thank you for your comment! 🙂

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